A Cowboys Wife.

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There’s something beautifully peaceful about sitting on a horse in the quietness of your own thoughts, with a dog tagging along while you travel through the vast beauty that surrounds you.

You can learn a lot as you ride alone,

About yourself, others and the One who created it all.

It’s a gift to be able to breath in fresh air and feel the crisp cool breeze against your face.

And I’m jealous of my husband who gets to do it all day.

(Although I’m sure he would beg to differ some days.)

So let me get to the point instead of rambling on about horses and my husband!

We all have things, that if we were to be honest,

We allow define us.

Or we seek something to define us.

Whether we know it,

Or accept it.

Whether we’re single, and allow that to define our worth-

As if we aren’t as good as those woman who are married.

Or somehow base our value on the fact that no one wants us (which ps, isn’t true)

And if we’re married,

We sometimes allow our husbands define us.

Whether it’s their occupation, how much money they make, what they think of us.

But other than relationship status,

We allow opportunity for other things to define us.

Such as our body shape,

The job we have,

Or don’t have.

The clothes we wear,

The mistakes we’ve made,

The things we’ve been labelled as,

The great success’ we’ve had,

Or failures we think we’ve made,

The moments we wish we could take back,

Or the moments we wish we would have taken.

Maybe it’s wow productive we are,

Or our health.

The friends we have or don’t have.

And probably other things popped into your head while you were reading this that I didn’t write down.

The list could go on,

But are you catching my drift?

That whether you have realized it or not,

We’ve all come to let something define us.

Unless you’re perfect, but hey, to each their own.

I’ve just come to realize that the more I’m honest with myself,

The freer I am to live life less hindered.

Now quickly, let me get clarify things.

In no way am I saying it’s bad to say you’re a wife to a cowboy,

Because hey,

(I just did)

And I say it on my blogs or pictures,

Because I’m proud of Levi and the man that he is.

But what I am trying saying is,

It isn’t so healthy when what we allow these things to be where we find our worth and value.

For, when we allow our value, worth and identity to be found in,

Jobs, other people, relationships or mistakes

Rather than in Him who created us,

Our Heavenly Father.

We begin to find ourselves in cycles of burn out,

Unhappiness,

Addictions,

And depression.

For in the midst of looking for purpose and where we fit in,

we lose sight of who we really are.

We lose sight that we are actually Sons and Daughters of the King most High,

Who has already shown us our value and where we belong.

And if you don’t know this already,

Let me be the first to tell you,

It is far sweeter, better, greater and beyond anything here on earth we could ever try to be found in.

Because if we were to be honest again,

Everything we have here on earth is transient and temporal.

And when we put all of our worth into something that we can and probably will lose at some point,

We it gets lost, so will we.

We will lose ourselves as we no longer have that one thing we found purpose in.

For when we start finding our worth in things,

And measuring ourselves with our own standards or that of others,

We are walking on thin ice.

For we will never be good enough.

And we’ll always fall short.

We’ll fall into all the things I mentioned above,

Because we’ll always be basing our worth on a standard that has no truth.

The only way that we can live each day with a sustained joy and worth,

Regardless of how productive we are or aren’t,

Is by seeing ourselves as found and saved in Christ and Him alone.

Not in anything that we have done or can do,

But in seeing that through Him,

We are enough.

We have been redeemed,

And we are no longer striving to try to make something of ourselves,

But that in Him, we are able to live a life worth something even if it doesn’t look like much in the eyes of the world.

For we have been cleansed by His blood and can now be seen as Children of God.

Good enough because of His graciousness, not out of our own merit.

But trust me,

I know that is a lot easier said than done.

For it’s hard to not try to find our value, worth and purpose in job titles, or relationships status or our income.

I’m working through that right now,

With not having a job at the moment.

Struggling to find what my purpose is outside of just being a wife.

For being a wife to a cowboy is a beautiful thing,

It’s also costly,

Just like most things in life.

As I live far from town and my friends,

Far from a place to have a job and left behind everything familiar to somewhat find who I am again.

But that’s the thing,

Life is constantly changing.

And it isn’t easy at times,

But you know that, (that’s okay.)

For we are better from it.

We learn to adapt,

And who we really are and how to be so rooted that when changes come we won’t always feel as though our identity is changing either.

For we are able to press in when the going gets tough,

And rather than being complacent,

We can step out to seize life,

We can seek the Lord and His heart for us.

We can come out of the things we struggle with,

And the questions we have,

A little more secure in ourselves.

But to do so,

We must look to Him rather than to ourselves or others for approval and worth.

 

We must all our joy and happiness to be rooted in the Lord,

rather than on our own productivity or self confidence.

For our purpose is far more greater than just in who we are trying to make ourselves out to be,

Or goals we are trying to obtain,

Or the standards we feel we need to measure up too.

Our purpose, in light of eternity,

Sets us free.

For we no longer need to meet the world standards or even that which we have felt placed on us through our up bringing or our own idea of purpose,

But on living a life worth something wherever we are, whatever we are doing and even when our life looks far from what we expected it to be.

 

However,

There are things that I have come to see and realize,

And you’ll have to do the same.

Whether you believe what I wrote or feel different,

To each their own.

I just know that for someone like me,

Who struggles to find meaning, purpose or weary myself trying to do enough to busy myself to be seen as good enough,

That these words breathe life back into and whispers ‘freedom’

Knowing that I can come and rest in the One who has set us free from the tyranny of self,

And reminds me that through His grace and love,

Just as we are,

We are capable, loved and enough.

That I don’t have to try so hard to measure up to some unattainable standard.

Because my life, as simple as is it, is purposeful,

Not because of who I am or what I do,

But because of why I am living, why I am breathing,

Because of my faith in Jesus Christ.

But it takes me daily,

Being reminded of these truths,

Laying down my life to try to live for a purpose greater than myself,

Even when it’s hard and I become anxious about the future or my lack of job or the things that begin to well up within me.

But I’ve come to see that, that’s a sad way to live,

And I no longer want to worry about things which don’t matter in light of eternity.

Of trying to measure up to a standard that becomes all about me.

What I can or can’t do,

All that I have or haven’t done.

For we will always fall short when we base our worth in these things.

And that’s why I fight to let those things go and fix my eyes on what really matters,

Whether I have a job or not,

Or whether I look as good as I think I should,

Or have success’ to tell people about,

Or feel like a horrible person because of being a human who makes mistakes,

That I have to give myself grace because the Lord has extended grace to me.

To pick up the broken pieces of myself and bring them back to Him.

To not shy away from my weakness’ and brokenness,

But to come to Him, tattered and anxious,

And begin to lay down the things that I have allowed myself to be defined by,

The things that are making me weary and irritated,

The things where I feel so broken and unlovable.

And come to Him.

Coming so that He can show me truth in the midst of my broken,

Skewed idea of who I should be,

What I should be doing,

And rather than a life that empowers me,

Living by standards that actually hinders me,

Because I’m so paralyzed by not being enough, doing enough or being great enough,

That I am not living in the freedom Christ died for us to have.

And even if you’re shaking your head at me writing this,

Trust me,

You have at least one thing.

We all do.

And that’s okay, because that beauty is in seeing it and letting it go,

Even if it’s a struggle, it’s worth it.

So let it go.

For it gives me freedom to let go of where I find my worth,

That it is not based on a job,

Or all that I can get done in a day.

But on simply living, breathing and fixing my eyes on Him to live each day with intention and heart.

How beautiful is He who speaks the good news,

That in my weariness,

I can be restored.

That my identity can be placed in Him.

But it’s costly,

As I need to continually come to Him.

We live in a quick fix culture,

Wanting things to come asap,

Changes to be made in a day.

We don’t like to wait,

We’re impatient and greedy.

And that is why it’s costly,

Because it takes time,

Being refined.

It takes time to allow our minds renewed and all the garbage we’ve put in it to be striped away.

So I write this to challenge you,

What do you believe about yourself?

Where do you put your self worth?

How can you let those things go?

Man that was all long winded,

I’m a bit rusty at this writing thing.

But stick with me,

I’m almost done! Promise!

May you also take everything I wrote at face value,

And pray, seek good counsel and read the Bible yourself so that you may find Truth.

This has just been my opinion,

My insight of something I’ve been learning.

And something that has given me freedom from coming to see as I fight to live a life worth something in light of eternity and our Fathers great love for us.

Have a wonderful day,

You are loved my friend.

“See what great love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God!..”
1 John 3:1

“So Jesus said to the Jews who had believed in Him, ‘If you abide in my word, you are truly my disciples, and you will know the truth and the truth will set you free.”
John 8:31-32

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2 thoughts on “A Cowboys Wife.

  1. Vanessa, the cry of your heart is so close to the things God is guiding me through. Finding purpose in where He has placed me. The calling on my life He planned for me. Not finding my worth in what I do but in who I am in Christ. So hard sometimes to not feel “enough”. Remember we are not “just wives” He called us to this high place in His kingdom to encourage, to be perfectly fit helpers, to create beauty, life and peace where He put us. I am learning too to place my hope and identity in Him alone. What I do or how much I get done doesn’t change my place as His child! What a God we serve. Thank you so much for the encouragement this morning!

  2. Heard this one yesterday: “Grace humbles without deflating and affirms without inflating.”
    Sub quote from Swindoll sermon “words to the wise, the unwise, and the otherwise”

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